Girlfriend 1.0 Upgrade




Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0, and I can find
no documentation on several features. For example, Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during
system initialization where it monitors all other system
activity. 

Applications such as RunAnywhere 10.3 and StayOut 2.5 cause
freezes, and the new program has also spawned a couple unexpected
child processes that have taken up a lot of space
and resources. I had thought about going back to Girlfriend 1.0
but there is no "revert to previous state" feature.  Can you help
me?

                                    On my knees,
                                    K. Lewis
 -------------------------

 Dear K. Lewis,

    This is a very common problem men complain about, but is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely
a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

    Wife 1.0 is actually an entire OPERATING SYSTEM designed by
its creator to run everything. WARNING! DO NOT try to:
un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once
installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous,
resulting in the loss of valuable system resources. You can not
go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do
this. There is no backdoor; some have tried to install Girlfriend
2.0 or Wife 2.0 and found the problems persist, or even tried to
run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background while Wife 1.0 is running.
Inevitably, a system conflict occurs; possibly leading to a
non-recoverable system crash. We recommend you
keep Wife 1.0 and adjust a few user input parameters.

    I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding
General Protection Faults (GPFs).  Should a GPF occur, the best
course of action will be to push the apologize button then reset
button AS SOON AS lock-up occurs. The system will run smoothly 
as long as you provide needed maintenance time. It is possible
to free up CPU time; be sure that several of your search and 
scan routines are stopped.

    Because of the unique system each copy runs on, no one manual
will cover all enabled features. New users should first consult
with those who have been running Wife 1.0 for many years before
installing a copy yourself. You might consider joining one of our
established local users group to discuss your specific
configuration. Remember, the installation of Wife 1.0 can allow
maximum system potential. Killer apps Contentment 2.5 and
Reliability 6.12a have been known to max out when run with TLC 2
and Communicator 5.0. There are no plans for upgrades; Wife 1.0
was designed to work for a lifetime.

Sincerely,
The development team
 
           


Links:

Computer Humor

Handley Math Humor Page

David Pleacher Personal Home Page

Handley Math Home Page