South Carolina Edition of Windows 98

Dear Consumers:

     It has come to our attention that a few copies of the
WINDOWS 98 SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION may have accidentally been
shipped outside SOUTH CAROLINA.  If you have one of these, you
may need some help understanding the commands.  

     The SOUTH CAROLINA edition may be recognized by the unique
   opening screen.  
   It reads WINDERS  98  with a background picture of General
   Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.  It is
   shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

   Also note:  The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
   My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
   Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
   Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"
   Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
   Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
   Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct
   tape" pops up

   OK = ats aw-right
   Cancel = piss on it
   Reset = try er agin
   Yes = yep
   No = noop
   Find = hunt fer it
   Go to = over yonder
   Back = back yonder
   Help = hep me out here
   Stop = kwitit
   Start = crank er up
   Settings = sittins
   Programs = stuff at duz stuff
   Documents = stuff I done did

   Also note that SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION does not recognize
   capital letters or punctuation marks.

   Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
   tiperiter = A word processing program
   colerin book = a graphics program
   cyferin mersheen = calculator
   outhouse paper = notepad
   jupe-box = CD Player
   iner-net = Microsoft Explorer 4.0
   pichers = A graphics viewer
   irs = MS accounting software
   irs2 = MS accounting software with hidden files
   tax records = usually an empty file
   coon dog = American kennel club records

   You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION as it comes
   pre-loaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide
   Fishin' = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
   NRA = National Rifle Association
   Shotgun = Remington Arms home page
   Riffel = Winchester home page
   Pisstul = Smith & Wesson home page
   Truck = Ford & Chevy dealers in SOUTH CAROLINA by zip code
   House = Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code
   Cuzzins = Complete database of SOUTH CAROLINA residents
   (extremely long download time)
   Bud = List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
   Rasin = NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the
   Car n truck parts = Junk yards by zip code
   Doc = veterinarians by zip code
   We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received
   a copy  of  the  SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION.  You may return it to
   Microsoft for a replacement version.

   I hope this helps all y'all!

   Billy Bob Gates
   Head Honcho