Ten Ways to Spot
a Computer Expert

1.   Does he talk a lot about "hardware" without being able to tell the difference between a gasket and a hexagonal lug nut?

2.   Does he often use the word "batch," while failing to follow it up with "of cookies?"

3.   Does he claim to know several "languages," none of which are taught by the Berlitz school?

4.   Does he often use the expression "garbage iin -- garbage out," even when he's not eating in the cafeteria?

5.   When playing cards, does he turn pale and shudder each time someone says shuffle the deck?

6.   Does he print a lot, using capital letters?

7.   Does he spell funny, like "KAT" for cat and "SQRT" for square root?

8.   When asked to name his favorite program, does he say "Photoshop" instead of N.C.I.S.?

9.   If you tell him you ruptured a disk, does he ask what was stored on it?

10.   Does he say "line" or "queue?"   Whereas most people say "line," an expert will say "queue;" this is a cue that computers are his line.