Canonical list of
'Computer Viruses'

The AL GORE virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting...

Birthday Virus - Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

Mario Cuomo Virus - a very powerful virus, if it would ever run.

Politically Correct Virus - prefers to call itself an "electronic microorganism".

Oprah Winfrey Virus - first appears on system as a 120 KB file, later swells to 200 KB, then returns to its original size. Periodic printouts appear to keep you aprised.

AT&T Virus - constantly reminds you how it's giving you much better service than the other viruses.

Sprint Virus - Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.

MCI Virus - Encourages you to send it to your friends and family.

Ollie North Virus - Converts your printer into a paper shredder.

Nike Virus - Just does it.

Ross Perot Virus - runs for awhile, leaves the system, then re-appears, but with less effect.

Airport Virus - You're in (insert location), but your data are in (exotic foreign destination).

Right-to-life Virus - before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.

Gridlock Virus - Keeps shuffling information that it calls 'bills' between your CPU and BUS, sending messages like 'House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate'. Never gets any work done.

Right-Wing-Hardliner Virus - Won't allow any changes on your system, but keeps saying that things will get better as soon as it takes over the Whitehouse.

Left-Wing-Drivel Virus - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

Variant: Government Economist Virus - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.

Dan Quayle Virus - Causes speling erors in files stored on your disk.

Jack Kevorkian Virus - enables irreparably damaged files to delete themselves.

Al Gore UNIX Virus: Whenever you inquire about one of your environment variables, it shows you the current setting, but then tacks on an alarmist message concerning the future of the variable.

Tipper Gore Virus - When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.

The Ronald Reagan virus - Saves your data but forgets where it's stored.

The Mike Tyson virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Prozac virus - Totally messes up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

Ponzi Virus - It logs onto your bank's computer and transfers $1 into the accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send.

Joke Virus - poses as a harmless list of funny computer virus names. Is quickly passed from one user to all other users known via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.