A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

This guy goes into a bar and tells the bartender he has a talking dog. The bartender asks for proof. The guy brings in the dog and tells the bartender to ask the dog a question. The bartender asks, "What's over our heads?"

The dog replies, "Roof, roof."

The bartender is unimpressed and says the dog is just making dog sounds. So the customer tells the bartender to ask another question. The bartender asks, "What is sandpaper like?"

The dog replies, "Ruff, ruff."

Again the bartender says the dog is just barking. So the customer says to ask another question. The bartender asks, "Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

The dog says, "Ruth, ruth."

The bartender has had enough and tosses both the customer and his dog head-over-heels out the door. Sitting dejectedly on the curb outside the bar, the dog looks at his owner and says, "Should I have said Hank Aaron?"