10. Technical foul equals loss of possession and pants

9. Balls dangerously overinflated with hydrogen

8. If a fan throws something from the stands and it goes in the basket, it counts for his team

7. Players ride around the court on angry llamas

6. Three words: giant flyin' rats!

5. Shot worth 10 points if you bounce it off opponent's head

4. Players must constantly shout name of shoe company they have an endorsement deal with

3. Michael Jordan still gets to use a baseball bat

2. Get a couple of new play-by-play guys for Marv Albert

1. Make a foul shot, win a car!