1. Maternity leave would last two years -- with full pay.
2. Men would stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
3. Natural childbirth would be obsolete.
4. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
5. Newborns would be kept in the hospital until toilet-trained.
6. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
7. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's No. 1 health problem.
8. People wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Triplets would be subsidized by the federal government.
10. Briefcases would be designed so they could double as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of women's apparel.
12. All male children would have to be home by 10 PM.