A friend told the blonde woman: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond woman then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blonde women find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A blonde woman is in the bathroom and her husband shouts:
"Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair,
and I've just wet mine."
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A blonde woman goes to the vet with her goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde woman says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
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A blonde woman spies a letter lying on her doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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A blonde woman's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
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A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"I hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
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An Italian tourist asks a blonde woman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"   To which the blonde woman replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
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