Blessed are those who can give without remembering and
take without forgetting.
Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago:
"Of
all the radio stations in Chicago ... we're one of them."
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had
years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet,
make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-- Dave Barry
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that
sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot
stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore.
-- Mark Twain
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry
668: The Neighbor of the Beast
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the
God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't
believe?"
-- Quentin Crisp
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1.
Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President.
3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow
but phone calls taper off.
-- Johnny Carson
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but
they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots
in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in
the front?
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor
Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To
which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the
lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control,
mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms
tearing up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take
God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Aspire to inspire before you expire.