"Doesn't Play Well With Others"

"Choose Your Sick Days Carefully"

"Summer in Nags Head, Some Are Not"

ABOARD A BABY: "Party, My Crib 2AM"

ABOARD A 3-YEAR-OLD: "My Mom Calls Me No! No! But My Gramma Calls Me Sweetie

ABOARD A VERY LARGE MAN: "Congratulate Me, I Used To Be Anorexic"

ABOARD A MAN AT THE BEACH WHO WAS BALD: "Too Sexy For Hair, That's Why It Isn't There"

"I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushing My Luck"

"Ran Into My Ex -- Put It In Reverse and Hit Him Again"

"Statistics Means Never Having To Say You're Certain"

"Got Rid of the Kids, the Cat Was Alergic"

"Where Are We Going? Why Am I in this Handbasket?"

"I Am Not a Pack Rat -- I Am a Collector"

"I'm So Great -- I'm Jealous of Myself"

"I've Been on So Many Blind Dates That I Should Get a Dog"

"Due to Budget Cuts, the Light at the End of the Tunnel Has Been Cut Off"

"I Wish the Buck Stopped Here -- I Could Use a Few"

"Where There's a Will, I Want to Be in It"

"Yes, Dear"

"This Is Not the Life I Ordered"

"Beer Is Proof That God Loves Us and Wants Us to Be Happy"

"My Wild Oats Have Turned to Oat Bran"

"Out of My Mind -- Will Be Back Shortly"

"How Long A Minute Is Depends on Which Side of the Bathroom Door You're On"

"If You Can't Speak Softly, Just Use the Stick"

"Waiting For Mr. Right" and the shirt has a skeleton on the front"

"I Married Mr. Right, But I Didn't Know His First Name Was Always"

"Alimony: A System Whereby Two People Make A Mistake and One of Them Continues To Pay For It"

"Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart"

"Shin: A Device For Finding Furniture in the Dark"

"I'm Not Cynical -- Just Experienced"

"Today Was a Total Waste of Makeup"

"Do You Want To Talk To the Man in Charge, or to the Woman Who Knows What's Going on?"

"I Didn't Climb To the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian"

"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up!"

"Unproductive People Revolve Around the Earth at the Same Speed As Productive People"

"Either Find the Time to Exercise or Find the Time to Be Sick"

"I Know About Stressed -- It's Desserts Spelled Backwards"

"Going Downhill Is Uphill Work"

"I'd Kill For a Nobel Peace Prize"

What's the Difference Between In-Laws and Outlaws?
Outlaws Are Wanted"

I Have the Body of a God.
Unfortunately, the God Is Buddha"