"Husband and Cat Lost -- Reward for Cat"
"Be Nice to Your Children -- They'll Pick Your Nursing Home"
"Husbands Should Come With Instructions"
"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered"
"Life Is Hard; Then You Nap"
"Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many.
Monogamy Is the Same"
"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"
"Learn From Your Parents' Mistakes -- Use Birth Control"
"I Was Once a Millionaire But My Mom Gave Away All My Baseball
Cards"
"If God Had Wanted Me To Touch My Toes,
He Would Have Put Them On My Knees"
"If You Can Read This, Thank A Teecher"
"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic"
"I Yell Because I Care"
"Procrastinate Now"
"If You Remember the 60's, You Weren't really There"
"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse --
He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
"When the Going Gets Tough, Use Duct Tape"
"Young At Heart -- Slightly Older In Other Places"
"The Two Most Common Elements in the Universe Are Hydrogen and
Stupidity"
"Why Is 'Abbreviation' Such a Long Word?"
"Our Parents Were Never Our Age"
"Your Kid May Be an Honor Student, But You're Still an Idiot"
"He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest"
"Taxation WITH Representation Isn't So Hot Either"
"Growing Old Is Mandatory, Growing Up Is Optional"
"I'm Not 50 -- I'm 18 With 32 Years Experience"
"Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young"
"My Wife Says I Don't Listen to Her -- At Least That's What I
Think She Says"
"Over the Hill? What Hill? I Didn't See Any Hill"
"Yes, I Am a Psychology Major -- Yes, I Am Analyzing You -- And
We REALLY Need to Talk"
"I Am Woman -- I Am Invincible -- I Am Tired"
"I Fish -- Therefore, I Lie"
"When Your Dreams Turn to Dust, Vacuum"