"Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered"

"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" -- seen on Cape Cod

"I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man -- I've Been Practicing Since 1943"

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"

"60-Year-Old, One Owner, Needs Parts, Make Offer"

"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees"

"If You Can Read This, Thank a Teacher"

"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"Waiting for the Perfect Man" (Printed across a drawing of a skeleton).

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse -
He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"9 out of ten men who try camels prefer women"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"

"When the Going Gets Tough, Use Duct Tape"

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I Was 15"