You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You're afraid of the "liberal media."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.