Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathering
them around him, he taught them saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom
of Heaven."
"Blessed are those who mourn ..."
"Blessed are the meek ..."
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness..."
"Blessed are the merciful ..."
"Blessed are the pure in heart ..."
"Blessed are the peacemakers ..."
"Blessed are those who are persecuted ..."
"Blessed are you when men revile you ..."
"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven."
"Then Simon Peter said, 'Do we have to write this down?'
"And Andrew said, 'Are we supposed to know this?'
"And James said, 'Will we have a test on this?'
"And Philip said, 'I don't have any paper.'
"And Bartholomew said, 'Do we have to turn this in?'
"And John said, 'The other disciples didn't have to learn
this.'
"And Matthew said, 'Can I go to the boys' room?'
"And Judas said, 'What does this have to do with real life?'
"Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see
Jesus' lesson plan and inquired of Jesus: 'Where is
your anticipatory set and your objectives in the
cognitive domain?'
"And Jesus wept."
The first part of this account of the Sermon on the Mount is
from the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 5, verses 1 to 12. The
second part of this account is just gospel truth (as any teacher
will tell you) but the source is unknown.