A teacher compiled this list of comments from test papers,
essays, etc. submitted to science and health teachers by
elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As
she noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young
scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube."
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin, Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and
caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
makes them perspire."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like
umbrellas."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water
tends toward the moon, because there is no water in the moon and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is the more extinct
it is."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the
heart stops."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."