What did the acorn say when he grew up? |

Answer: Geometry (Gee, I'm a tree!) |

Why is simplifying a fraction like powdering your nose? |

Answer: It improves the appearance without changing the value. |

What is a parrot apt to do if he sees a cat? |

Answer: Polyhedron (Poly, He'd run!) |

What do you call an insect that's not feeling well? |

Answer: A secant (sick ant) |

What is the opposite of a stop sign? |

Answer: A cosine. (A go sign!) |

What do you call a parrot that should go on a diet? |

Answer: A polynomial (Poly, no meal!) |

What branch of mathematics is studied by the very young? |

Answer: Topology. |

What math is discussed between sea gulls? |

Answer: Integral Calculus (Inter-gull Calculus). |

What do you call two bolas? |

Answer: A Parabola (A Pair o' Bola) |

Why are huge chrysanthemums like some parabolas? |

Answer: Because they're both maximums. |

What does a mathemaician every Sunday morning? |

Answer: The Conic Section (The Comic section) |

Why did they put the mathematician in prison? |

Answer: He tried to kil o meter. |

Why is the meter stick such a stubborn ruler? |

Answer: Because he won't give an inch. |

What will happen to the inch worm when we go to metric? |

Answer: He'll become a centipede. |

Why is April 1st so tired? |

Answer: You'd be tired, too, after 31 days of March! |

What do clowns do after April 30th? |

Answer: Matrix (May tricks) |

What do mathematicians sleep on? |

Answer: Matrices, of course! |

What do you get when you cross a pigeon and a zero? |

Answer: A Flying Nun! |