IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
(To justify God's ways to the 21st
century.)
In the beginning there was the
computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
:God
#Enter password.
:Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command.
Try again.
:Create light
#Done
:Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM,
Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the
midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command.
Try again.
:Create firmament
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God divided the waters.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM,
Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be
gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in
specification string. Try again.
:Create dry_land
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God divided the waters.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM,
Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament
to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
:Run sun_moon_stars
#And God divided the waters.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM,
Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish
#Done
:Create fowl
#Done
:Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea
monsters and every living creature
that creepeth wherewith the waters
swarmed after its kind and
every winged fowl after its kind.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM,
Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM,
Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle
#Done
:Create creepy_things
#Done
:Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create man
#Done
:Be fruitful and multiply and
replenish the earth and subdue it
and have dominion over the fish
of the sea and over the fowl of
the air and over every living
thing that creepeth upon the earth
#Too many command operands.
Try again.
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden
#File Garden of Eden does not
exist.
:Create Garden.edn
#Done
:Move man to Garden.edn
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
:Insert man into woman
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire
#Done
:Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being
fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this
run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill
#Done
:Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being
fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this
run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once
freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file
and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or
ask for help.
:Help
#Desire cannot be undone once
freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file
and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or
ask for help.
:Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being
fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this
run. 1 errors.
:Create good, evil
#Done
:Activate evil
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning system error in sector
E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn. 1 errors
.
:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
#Search failed.
:Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once
evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible
file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or
ask for help.
:Stop
#Unrecognizable command.
Try again
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS ***
ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER
GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF
MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE
MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
:Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated
file space. You must destroy
old files before new ones can
be created.
:Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed
#COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER
DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME
SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM.
YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
#And God logged off at 11:59:59
PM, Friday, March 6.
#Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.