South Carolina Edition of Windows 98

Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside SOUTH CAROLINA.   If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The SOUTH CAROLINA edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.
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It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.   It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION:
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OK = ats aw-right
Cancel = piss on it
Reset = try er agin
Yes = yep
No = noop
Find = hunt fer it
Go to = over yonder
Back = back yonder
Help = hep me out here
Stop = kwitit
Start = crank er up
Settings = sittins
Programs = stuff at duz stuff
Documents = stuff I done did

Also note that SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
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tiperiter = A word processing program
colerin book = a graphics program
cyferin mersheen = calculator
outhouse paper = notepad
jupe-box = CD Player
iner-net = Microsoft Explorer 4.0
pichers = A graphics viewer
irs = MS accounting software
irs2 = MS accounting software with hidden files
tax records = usually an empty file
coon dog = American kennel club records

You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web.
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Fishin' = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA = National Rifle Association
Shotgun = Remington Arms home page
Riffel = Winchester home page
Pisstul = Smith & Wesson home page
Truck = Ford & Chevy dealers in SOUTH CAROLINA by zip code
House = Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code
Cuzzins = Complete database of SOUTH CAROLINA residents
(extremely long download time)
Bud = List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
Rasin = NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race
Car n truck parts = Junk yards by zip code
Doc = veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTH CAROLINA EDITION.   You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho