1) Black holes are where God divided by zero.
2) I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me
before we met.
3) Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
4) Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
5) I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
6) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
7) 24 hours in a day. . . 24 beers in a case. . . coincidence?
8) I intend to live forever --- so far, so good.
9) Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
10) I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
11) Support bacteria --- they're the only culture some people
have.
12) I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
13) All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
14) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
16) I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
17) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
18) Boycott Shampoo. Demand the REAL poo.
19) Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
20) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
21) Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
lazy.
22) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have
film.