• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.   The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

  • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.   Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

  • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

  • Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom.

  • PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.   Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

  • Homeschooling is going well.   2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

  • I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

  • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.   It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.   I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

  • So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

  • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.   You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.   I have no clue how this place is still in business.

  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

  • Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

  • I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage.   What should I wear?

  • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.   I'm getting tired of Los Livingrooma.

  • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

  • Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

  • Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.


Professor Dr Intekhab Alam posted the following:

Have you read the covid proverb twists?

1) Divided we live, United we die!
2) A sneeze, in time... infects nine!
3) All that sniffles has caught a cold!
4) Homestay is the best policy!
5) One man's mask is another man's poison!
6) When things get cough, the smart get going!
7) An unmasked guy is the Covid's workshop!
8) As you spray, so shall they reap!
9) Snot is weaker than Sanitizer!
10) Better to be poor & healthy than being rich & sick!

11) Curiosity killed the doc!
12) Distancing is the best part of Valor!
13) Don't count your chickens before next March!
14) Every crowd has a carrier lurking!
15) Every cough has its spray!
16) A cough hits nine lives!
17) Ignorance is a kiss!
18) Necessity is the mother of infection!
19) Out at night is out of mind!
20) Rome wasn't infected in a day!

21) The grass is cleaner on your side of the fence!
22) There is no safety in numbers!
23) When the cough is away, you can come out & play!
24) When in Rome, die as the Romans do!
25) Two Wrongs didn't make this right, right?
26) Cough goes around, comes around!
27) When one door shuts, another door... shuts!
28) You can have your covid & spread it too!
29) The road to hell is sprayed with good infections!
30) Covid never strikes in the same case!.