Acton's Law: Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than
out of.
Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it
up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.
Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who
divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief
system, the higher the probability of its success.
Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen
years older than I am.
Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.
Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it
isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.
Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle
needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-
pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.
Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll
get over it.
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office
plants have died.
Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2.
When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.
Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way,
you're probably in the wrong lane.
Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as
much as you do when things go wrong.
Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually
every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself
runs out.
Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a
flat tire.
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the
time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool
MOM.
Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of
all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only
become more so.
Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea --
in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of
reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. "It is
completely impossible -- don't waste my time." 2. "It is
possible, but it is not worth doing." 3. "I said it was a good
idea all along."
Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair
naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority
for repair work.
Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off
long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness
by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but
only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a
constant; the population is growing.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a
thing will happen, or it won't.
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-
effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.
Cooper's Law: All machines are amplifiers.
Crislip's Law:
Alternative medicine is a placebo and therefore ineffective.
Cunningham’s Law: The best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to post a question – but to post the wrong answer.
Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest
number of calories.
Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your
problem their problem.
Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you
will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are
thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are
thinking about them.
Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to
save all the parts.
Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary:
Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in
originally -- will then move faster.
Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in
different directions
Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is
not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you
need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4.
The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.
Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it
looks.
First Law of Expert Advice: Don't ask the barber
whether you need a haircut.
First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks
exactly the same as cold glass.
First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don't let your
superiors know you're better than they are.
Frisch's Law: You cannot have a baby in one month by
getting nine women pregnant.
Fudd's First Law of Opposition: If you push
something hard enough, it will fall over. Tesler's
Deviant to Fudd's Law: It goes in -- it must come
out.
Gerrold's Law: A little ignorance can go a long way.
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in
motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong
place. 3. The energy required to change either one
of the states will always be more than you wish to
expend, but never so much as to make the task
totally impossible.
Gibb's Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting for
another.
Gibson's Law: For every PhD there is an equal and opposite PhD.
Ginsberg's Theorem (Generalized Laws of
Thermodynamics): 1. You can't win. 2. You can't
break even. 3. You can't even quit the game.
Ehrman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. Things
will get worse before they get better. 2. Who said
things would get better? Freeman's Commentary on
Ginsberg's Theorem: Every major philosophy that
attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on
the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To
wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that
you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption
that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on
the assumption that you can quit the game.
Glaser's Law: If it says "one size fits all," it
doesn't fit anyone.
Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret of success
is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it
made.
Godwin’s Law: The longer an online discussion goes on, the more likely it becomes that someone will make a comparison to Hitler or the Nazis.
Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you
don't know what you are talking about.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Gygax's Law: The more vital the intended outcome, the higher chance of failing the roll.
Haldane's Law: The Universe is not only stranger
than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine.
Harris' Lament: All the good ones are taken.
Hart's Law: In a country as big as the United
States, you can find fifty examples of anything.
Hofstadter's Law is a recursive statement about how long it will take to accomplish a task:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Mencken's Law (or Shaw's Law):
Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach.
Some corollaries:
Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach, teach education (or teach teachers; or administrate).
Short's Extension: Those who cannot teach, criticize.
Russell’s Extension: Those who cannot teach, write.
Some Yale Prof's Extension: Those who cannot teach, do research.
Allen's Extension: Those who cannot teach, teach gym.
Muphry's Law:
If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Napoleon's Law:
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Parkinson's Law:
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
This has some corollaries, namely:
Data expands to fill the space available for storage.
Your stuff accumulates to fill the size of your home.
The Peter Principle is an observation that holds:
In an organizational hierarchy, every employee will rise or get promoted to his or her level of incompetence.
The Dilbert Principle describes a remedy for the Peter Principle, and is built on the assumption that leadership positions are filled by people who cannot (or will not) be fired,
but are too dangerous to leave in a place where they can do damage.
Sinclair's Law:
It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!
Sturgeon's Law:
Sturgeon's Law is an observation that in any given field, the vast majority of its works are of low quality.
It is commonly stated as:
90 per cent of everything is crap.
Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Zeigler's Law:
If a politician says that government is a problem, what he means is that if you elect him, government will be a problem.