1. Never - under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved its full
potential, that word would be "meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness".
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with
them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with
all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to
humanity, He WILL NOT use as His messenger, a person
on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and is
willing to take command. Very often, that individual
is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry
for them. They need to get a life and learn how to
have fun. (And notice that people who dance and cut
loose once in a while usually live longer.)
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is
gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings
time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant,
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday.
That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
or ethnic background is that, deep down inside, we ALL
believe that we are above-average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important.
Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. Don't think that because a person is having fun
they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun
naturally given the moment, and you need to find out
how they do it.
20. Never FRY anything naked.
21. Your friends love you anyway.
Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something
new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A
large group of professionals built the Titanic.