Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are
my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If
you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't
worry, I have plenty of money.
~~~~~
Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
~~~~~
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one of these magnets.
~~~~~
Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.
Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message,
just hold it up to the phone.
~~~~~
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and
do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave
your name and number and they will get back to you.
~~~~~
This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name,
your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and
I'll think about returning your call.
~~~~~
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
~~~~~
Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right
now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you
back.
~~~~~
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
~~~~~
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel
very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your
ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will
feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a
message.
~~~~~
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
~~~~~