Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the
corner.
Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN
SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING
CART?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't
do.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M
factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around
her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call,
"Daaady!"
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into
the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: THERE WAS A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE WHO WERE ABOUT TO
COMMIT SUICIDE. THEY BOTH JUMPED OFF A TALL BUILDING,
AND A COUPLE OF SECONDS LATER, THE BRUNETTE HIT THE
PAVEMENT, BUT NOT THE BLONDE. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
A: She got lost.
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the
Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to
come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd
make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint
Peter.
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks
with me! Andy tells me..."
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door
of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its
starting to rain and the top is down!
A blonde sent a post card home:
"Having a wonderful time....Where am I?"
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
Listened a moment and said 'How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife said, 'I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
So she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
And as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
And a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.'