How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
Or...
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out
the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to
change itself.
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE???????
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in
your donation today.
How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and
ecumenical standards of light would slip.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or
not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the
existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to
keep from alienating those who might use other forms of
light.
How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light
bulb?
None. They always use candles.
How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light
bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its
glowing.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how
much they liked the old one.
Or...
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements.
One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old
light bulb.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
About 16,000,000. However, they are badly divided over whether
changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not.
How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new
with the old after shaking it and finding it can be revived
with a second blessing.
How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change
a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to
organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing
of the bulb service.
How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
There is some question here. But we have it on good
authority that they have appointed a committee to study the
issue and report back at their next meeting.
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we cannot
by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of
an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, NOT by
our efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence),
that we truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us
in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course,
it is still dark.
How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
300. 12 to sit on the Board which appoints the Nominating
and Personnel Committee. 5 to sit on the Nominating and
Personnel Committee, which appoints the House Committee. 8
to sit on the House Committee, which appoints the Light Bulb
changing committee. 4 to sit on the Light Bulb Changing
Committee, which chooses who will screw in the Light
Bulb--those 4 then give their own opinion of "screwing in
methods" while the one actually does the installation. After
completion it takes 100 individuals to complain about the
method of installation and another 177 to debate the
ecological impact of using the light bulb at all.
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you,
that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a
modern dance about your personal relationship to your light
bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light
bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent,
three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are
equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.