1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A dog with a pronounced limp walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my
paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts stood around a fireplace in a hotel lobby
bragging about their recent tournament victories. The hotel manager came
out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting on
an open fire."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Amahl." The other goes to a family in Spain.
They name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
did so, thereby proving that Hugh,and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. What did these conditions make him? A super-calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was a person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.