Sportsmanship

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is?   What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a stupid-head.   Do you understand all that?

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a blockhead is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach.   "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother".



Four Guys Fishing

Four married guys go fishing.   After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend.   I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That is nothing; I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy!   I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish.   When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend.   What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.   When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her rear and said: "Fishing or sex?" and she said: "Wear sun-block."



Jesus and Moses Play Golf

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day on Earth.   The course they were on had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.

"Ah no, Moses, I think I can do it," explained Jesus. "I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I."

Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try.   Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water.   Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball.   Jesus, however, was not ready to give up.

"I know I can do this, Moses -- I've seen Tiger Woods do it, and if he can do it, then so can I."   True to form, however, Jesus' ball ended up back in the water.   Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball.

"Look, Jesus," said Moses.   "Try again if you like, but I'm not parting the water for you another time."

"Fair enough, Moses," said Jesus.   "But you know, I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I."   Once again, Jesus' ball was in the water.   Jesus proceeded to walk upon the water to get it.

Another group of golfers came up behind Moses and saw Jesus walking on the water.

"Holy Cow!" one of them said to Moses.   "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"

"No," said Moses, rolling his eyes.   "He thinks he's Tiger Woods."



VA TECH -- UVA

George Welsh, after living a full life, died.   When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.   They came to a modest little house with a faded UVA flag in the window.   "This house is yours for eternity, George," said God.   "This is very special - not everyone gets a house up here."

George felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.   On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner.   It was a 3-story mansion with a Burgundy and Orange sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Virginia Tech logo flag, and in every window, VT curtains.

George looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question.   I was a darn good coach, I won several bowl games, and I even went to the College Football Hall of Fame."   God said, "So what do you want to know, George?"

"Well, why does Frank Beamer get a better house than me?"   God chuckled and said, "George, that's not Frank Beamer's house ...   It's mine."



Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Lee Trevino -- true story

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"

Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do."

The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"

Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.





Hunting Story

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to Hunt moose.   They managed to bag six moose.   As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could only take off with four moose.

The two lads objected strongly.   "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us take all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.   However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.   After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"
Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."