Jay Leno:
"The economy's so bad women in Beverly Hills are telling their real age just to get the AARP discount."
Conan O'Brien:
"New research indicated something called 'male menopause,' where men get fatter and lose interest in sex. Of course, it's also known as football season."
Whoopi Goldberg:
"I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are she's going to end up looking like me."
Jerry Seinfeld:
"According to statistics, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to
a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."
Sandra Tsing Loh:
"The only downside of turning 50 in California: Everyone assumed I would take up skidiving."
Ellen DeGeneres:
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the heck she is."
Bill Cosby:
"Immortality is a long shot, I admit; but somebody has to be first."
Harrison Ford:
"You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have 'M.D.'s after them."
Joan Rivers:
"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."