President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside
Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll standings.
Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, "We've been
getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell
research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution
to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a
saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is in
desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush showed up for the sermon and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President. George Bush is a
liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September
11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people.
He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money,
causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most
hated country on earth.
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread
death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina.
He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more
poverty in this country, and a greater gap between rich and poor, than we've
had since the Depression.
He instituted illegal wiretaps when getting a warrant from a secret court would
have been a mere administrative detail, had his henchmen lie to Congress about
it, then claimed he is above the law.
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot
Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6
trillion dollars, gas prices are up 85%, and vital research into global warming
and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from some
religious kooks.
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to
Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, George Bush is a saint."