RICHARD M. NIXON/ DONALD J. TRUMP:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens.
I have never known any chickens.
DONALD TRUMP:
Nobody knows more about chickens than me! I'll tell you that Donald Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of chickens crossing the roads,
and we're going to make America great again. Believe me: we will build a bigly wall. And in that wall we're going to have a terrific, fat door where chickens
can cross the road, but they have to cross legally because there are chickens who are criminals, rapists and drug dealers.
We have to be very, very vigilant about who we allow to cross our roads. Until we figure out what is going on, then we'll see what happens.
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road for hope and change.
SARAH PALIN:
The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick.
No one can refudiate that.
JOHN McCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized
the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken
to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country
gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
What was the question again?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
KANYE WEST:
Because George W. Bush doesn't care about chickens.
WILLIE NELSON:
Was it a smoked chicken?
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
JESSICA SIMPSON:
Did you say chicken or tuna?
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first
deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's
acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
That chicken won't have to walk across a road ever again because I'm giving it a new car!!!
HUGH HEFNER:
If the chick is over 25, I don't care why it crossed or where it went.
VICE-PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN:
A chicken crossed the road? Do you realize what a big deal this is?!
KEITH OLBERMANN OF MSNBC:
The chicken wanted to get to the left side of the road.
SEAN HANNITY OF FOX NEWS:
The chicken wanted to get to the right side of the road.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because it's guilty!
You can see it in its eyes and in the way it walks.
ARIZONA GOVERNOR JAN BREWER:
Did the chicken come cross legally or illegally?
CONAN O'BRIEN:
Because Jay Leno wanted its spot.
TIGER WOODS:
If it is a rooster, I know why it crossed the road!
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
BERNIE MADOFF:
If you'll give me that chicken, I'll get you five in return.
JUSTIN BIEBER:
Just to get away from my annoying cuteness.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one tipped me off as to which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I do not know.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone.
CHARLIE SHEEN:
The chicken crossed the road looking for hookers and coke.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.
That chicken had a choice, and it chose to sin.
SANDY WEILL, FORMER CHAIRMAN OF CITIGROUP:
That is unnecessary risk to take. We will acquire the other side of the road and merge
it with our company and thus increase shareholder value. It will generate humongous M&A fee.
Then we securitize, credit enhance and place this AAA+ risk with stupid institutional
investors (called Chickens). Prior to placing the paper we will front-run the deal and create
ever more income, as well as trading opportunity for the firm. The profit will be fairly
shared with our shareholders (also called Chickens). I get the chicken, the traders get the egg,
and the shareholders the rear feather. Should all fail, the government (also called Chickens)
will bail us out, and I will get an extra Chicken as reward for my ingenuity.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BRETT FAVRE:
Want to see a photo of my "chicken"?
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
- if you install the proper patches.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.