There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its
parking lots, so they put up a sign:
CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY
Trespassers will be baptized!
"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said,
"Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire
insurance soon."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"This is a ch_ _ ch.
What is missing?" --------- (U R)