To make it possible for everyone to be able to attend
church next Sunday, we are going to have a special
"No Excuse Sunday."
Cots will be placed in the
foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to
sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge
chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be provided for those with tired eyes
from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have
steel helmets for those who say "The roof would
cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be
provided for those who think that the church is too
cold, and fans for those who think that it is too hot.
Scorecards will be provided for those who would like
to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends
will be in attendance for those who can't go to
church and cook dinner too.
We will distribute
"Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those who feel
that the church is always asking for money.
One
section will be devoted to trees and grass for those
who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and Nurses
will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick
on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with
both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those
who have never seen the church without them.
We
will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the
sermon and cotton for those who can.