Subj: These are from Madlon Laster
Date: 2/22/2002 8:38:05 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: mmadden@shentel.net (Micker Madden)
Reply-to: mmadden@shentel.net
To: DPleacher@aol.com (DPleacher@aol.com)
Madlon now has my email. These are pretty good!
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
**********************************
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
**********************************
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
**********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
**********************************
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a
word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
*********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
*********************************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
********************************
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
**********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
**********************************
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
**********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
**********************************
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet." ----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Subject: Food for Thought
THE HUMAN CONDITION (MEN & WOMEN)
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot
more
willing to die.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two
people
remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before
marriage and after marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU TO GET MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the rib
and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.
Cheers
--
Micker Madden
Technology Resource Teacher
John Handley High School
Winchester, VA 22601
JHHS Home Page:
http://www.pen.k12.va.us/Div/Winchester/jhhs/jhhshome.html
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Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 20:28:14 -0500
From: Micker Madden
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Subject: These are from Madlon Laster
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