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Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to
grasp the terrifying significance of the term
"in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists
have long known that Cucumis sativus posseses
an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry
continues to expand.
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Pickles are associated with all the major diseases
of the body. Eating them breeds war and
communism. They can be related to most airline
tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles.
There exists a positive relationship between crime
waves and consumption of this fruit of the
cucurbit family.
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For example ...
- Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles.
The effects are obviously cumulative.
- 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have
eaten pickles.
- 99.8% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
- 96.8% of all communist sympathizers have
eaten pickles.
- 99.7% of the people involved in air and
auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days
preceding the accident.
- 93.1% of all juvenile delinquents come
from homes where pickles are served
frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of
pickle eating:
- Of all the people born in 1869 who later
dined on pickles, there has been a 100%
mortality.
- All pickle eaters born between 1879 and
1899 have wrinkled skin, have lost most
of their teeth, have brittle bones and
failing eyesight -- if the ills of
eating pickles have not already caused
their death.
- Even more convincing is the report of a
noted team of medical specialists: rats
force-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per
day for 30 days developed bulging
abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome
food was destroyed.
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In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and
packers continue to spread their evil. More than
120,000 acres of fertile U.S. soil are devoted
to growing pickles.
Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has
as many problems from eating orchid petal soup
as they do with eating pickles.
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