10. "Your grade will be determined by how well you wash my car"

9.  "I'm retiring this year, so I don't really care how you do on the SOLs or the A.P. Exam.
     What are they going to do -- fire me?"

8. "If my methods seem unconventional, it's because I forged my teaching credentials at Kinko's"

7. "I'm not good with names, so I'm going to call all of you 'Skippy'"

6. "Is it just me, or is chalk delicious?"

5. "Study, don't study -- honestly, I only care about tonight's Lotto numbers"

4. "I'm just a substitute -- your teacher is still on summer vacation."

3. "Forget math -- just memorize everything."

2. "Let's pretend the falling flakes of asbestos are snow."

1. "I was George W. Bush's English teacher"