Fifty Ways to Do an Integral

new lyrics by David Morgereth
may be sung to the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon
in The Mathematics Teacher October 2001

"The problem is all inside your head," he said to me.
The answer is easy if you don't forget plus C.
I'd like to help you in your struggle to succeed.
There must be fifty ways to do an integral.

He said it's really not hard for you to do.
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued,
So I'll repeat myself At the risk of confusing you.
There must be fifty ways to do an integral.

Refrain:
Use the FTC, Lee.
Plug in a tan, Stan.
Do it by parts, Art,
But get the thing done.
Just plug in a u, Sue.
Use a table, Mable.
How about a machine, Gene,
To set yourself free?

He said you should know this better than your name.
If only there were something to make you understand.
I said, "I appreciate that!
And would you please explain about the fifty ways?"

Refrain

He said, "Why don't you just work on it all night?"
I believe by the morning you'll have the answer right."
And then it hit me... this course is such a fright.
There must be fifty ways to do an integral.