Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               How tough are your two branches.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               To pass, what are my chances?
               Derivatives, I cannot take,
               At integrals my fingers shake.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               How tough are your two branches.

               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               Your theorems I can't master.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               My proofs are a disaster.
               You pull a trick out of the air,
               Or find a reason, God knows where.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               Your theorems I can't master.

               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               Your problems do distress me.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               Related rates depress me.
               I cut out boxes in my sleep,
               And max and min do make me weep.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               Your problems do distress me.

               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               My limit I am reaching.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               For mercy, I'm beseeching.
               My grades do not approach a B,
               They're just an epsilon from D.
               Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
               My limit I am reaching.