Why is simplifying a fraction like powdering your nose?
Answer: It improves the appearance without changing the value.
A young businesswoman once said, "My life is just basic arithmetic. I try to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and keep from multiplying."
Why is the meter stick such a stubborn ruler?
Answer: Because he won't give an inch.
What will happen to the inch worm when we go to metric?
Answer: He'll become a centipede.
I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions.
I didn't understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.
Mathematicians are sum worshippers.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
-- Steven Wright
The number 15 walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"I'm sorry," said the bartender, "but I can't serve you."
"Why not?"
"Because you are under 21."
The police department was told to crack down on vagrancy, so it was easy when a drunk staggered out of a bar toward
a policeman and asked, "'Scuse me offisser, what time ish zit?"
The cop replied, "It's one AM," and he gave the drunk a bop on the head with his baton.
"My goodness," said the drunk. "I'm glad it's not midnight!"
Seventeen asked 6 and 28, "Don't you two ever do anything wrong?"
"Nope, We're perfect!"
The numbers 6 and 28 go walking down the street when 6 starts having a conversation, seemingly with himself. "Who are you talking to?" asks 28.
"I'm talking to 8 + 3i," replies 6.
"To whom?" asks 28, "There's no one there."
"Oh, sorry," says 6, "He's my imaginary friend."
The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.
Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!
Teacher: What is 2k + k?
Student: 3000!
Theorem. A cat has nine tails.
Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.
Salesman: Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your work in half.
Woman: Great, I'll take two of them!
For a good prime, call: 555.793.7319
The West Virginia High School League instituted tough new eligiblity criteria this year for all high school athletes. Each player must pass both a verbal and a mathematics test.
The coach of one of the local high schools asked if he could be present when they tested his star quarterback. He was allowed to sit in the back during the oral test.
The player was asked to spell his name for the verbal part of the test.
He said, "B - U - B - B - A."
"Well done! Now for the math part, what is 6 plus 2?" The quarterback answered, "8." And the football coach, yells out, "Give him another chance!"
President Bush's morning security briefing is wrapping up. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is concluding his part and says, "Finally, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday near Baghdad."
"OH MY GOD!" shrieks Bush, and he buries his head in his hands for a seemingly interminable 30 seconds. Stunned at the unexpected display of emotion, the President's staff sits speechless, not sure how to react.
Finally, Bush looks up and asks Rumsfeld, "How many is a brazillion?"
