A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the
man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the
man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search
of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer
to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us
more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not
recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is
believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.