"Failing My Calculus"

Math Song Parody: by Kenny Felder
To the Tune of "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls
(Note to musical comedy lovers everywhere...
If you just read this, straight, it isn't funny.
The only way it works at all is if you know the original tune,
and sing it to yourself as you read it.
Or better yet, sing it aloud!) 

I'm trying to get through this alive, 
Maybe figure out these tangents and cosines, 
And the best thing you've ever done for me 
Is to help me take this course less seriously, 
It's only math, after all 
yeah 

Well, I kind of understood my high school algebra, 
And in trig at least I pulled a solid "B", 
But Calculus-I don't know why I'm in it, 
Excuse me, but I think I've reached my limit, 
As I approach despair. 

Chorus:
These "D"s and these "X"s, they make me so nervous, 
Who cares what the area under a curve is? 
I don't know the answer to these questions, 
slopes and curves and tangent lines, 
And the less I see the point of the derivative, 
I'm failing my Calculus. 
I'm failing my Calculus. 

Well, I went to see the teacher, with a sheepish grin, 
And he looked at me like I was just a wart upon his chin, 
I've tried so hard, but I can't understand it, 
I'm so right brained that I can write left handed, 
I spent four hours prostrate, staring at the wall, 
And I still don't understand "e". 

(Chorus) 

I stopped by the Web at three a.m. 
To seek help from alt.algebra, and possibly from Ken, 
But this is just a way that my brain won't work, 
So listen, if you'll only do my homework, 
I'll help your favorite charity. 

(Chorus)