Q: Why was Solomon the wisest man in the world?
A: Because he had so many wives to advise him.
If Solomon were alive today ...
Axioms To Live By
1.) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2.) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3.) A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4.) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5.) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6.) If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again,
it
was probably worth it.
7.) If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
8.) When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
9.) Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
10.) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
11.) Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
12.) Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
13.) Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
14.) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
15.) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
16.) A picture is worth a thousand words,
but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
17.) Marriage involves mathematics because it doubles joys,
halves sorrows, and quadruples expenses.
18.) Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19.) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
20.) Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Golden Rules for Living
by Miriam Hamilton Keare
1. If you open it, close it.
2. If you turn it on, turn it off.
3. If you unlock it, lock it up.
4. If you break it, admit it.
5. If you can't fix it, call in someone who can.
6. If you borrow it, return it.
7. If you value it, take care of it.
8. If you make a mess, clean it up.
9. If you move it, put it back.
10. If it belongs to someone else,
get permission to use it.
11. If you don't know how to operate it,
leave it alone.
12. If it's none of your business, don't ask questions.
Here are two rules for guys:
(1) If it moves and shouldn't, use duct tape.
(2) If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40.
Some Christian One-liners ...
1. Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember,
Moses started out as a basket case.
2. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.
3. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
4. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
5. The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.
6. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
7. People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.
8. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
9. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
11. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.
So why should you?
12. Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
13. Peace starts with a smile
14. I don't know why some people change churches;
what difference does it make which one you stay home from?!
15. A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises"
are just sitting on the premises.
16. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
17. Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
18. Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
19. Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
20. Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
21. Forbidden fruits create many jams.
22. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
23. God grades on the cross, not the curve.
24. God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit"
over "religious nuts!"
25. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage
26. He who angers you, controls you!
27. If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
28. Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
29. The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
30. The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God
will not protect you.
31. We don't change the message, the message changes us.
32. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to..........discourage him.
33. If God had wanted us to use the metric system,
he would have chosen TEN disciples.
34. The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.