Math puns are the first sine of madness.
One day, Jesus said to his disciples:
"The Kingdom of Heaven is like y = 3 x^2 + 8 x -
9."
A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter:
"What, on Earth, does he mean by that?"
Peter smiled. "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws.
The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip.
He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.
This just proves that ...
The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the
other two hides.
As easy as 3.1415926...
An abacus is one tool that you can always count on.
Some mathematicians are reluctant to cosine a loan.
I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions.
I didn't understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.
Mathematicians are sum worshippers.
I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.
His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
He wears glasses during math because it improves division. (He's from Chicago).
Every time I see an opportunity to make a math joke the conversation goes off on a tangent.
For a good prime, call 555-7523
(and yes, it IS a prime number).
A hungry clock goes back four seconds.
A bike can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
Graphing rational functions is a pain in the asymptote
(e.g., y = 1/x).
The Lipton Company is big on statistics -- especially t-tests!
It is impossible to have a rational conversation with a man who doesn't know his asymptote from a hole in the graph!
A farmer counted 396 cows in his field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 400.
Student One: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
Student Two: She must be plotting something.
To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.
Thanks for nothing!