On the tonight Show, Johnny Carson often played the role of “Carnac the Magnificent.” Carnac was an “omniscient soothsayer” who could “divine the answers to questions that were hermetically sealed in envelopes.” Carnac would hold the envelope up to his forehead, then give the answer, and then open the envelope and read the question. So, I had some fun trying to duplicate Johnny Carson's routine with a mathematical Carnac.
Click here to see some of Johnny Carson's original jokes as "Carnac The Magnificent"
Here are some of Carnac's mathematical answers and questions:
Answer: Denominator.
Question: Who is de person who makes de speech to nominate a political candidate.
A: Bambi, the White House grounds, and Mr. P's math class.
Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn.
A: Mini calculator.
Q: What do you call a midget mathematician?
A: 2001.
Q: How many football games were televised over Thanksgiving?
A: Desi Arnaz.
Q: Name a base ten Arnaz.
A: Eleven.
Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller?
A: Parallel Lines.
Q: What did the zookeeper call the two new born lion cubs?
A: Hypotenuse.
Q: What do you call a toilet being flushed in an airplane?
A: Compass.
Q: What did the Roller Derby girl yell to her teammate?
A: Geometry.
Q: What did the little acorn say when it grew up?
A: Coincide.
Q: What should you do when it rains?
A: Concentric.
Q: What did the prisoner magician do on his wife's birthday?
A: Concave.
Q: Where do escaped convicts hide out?
A: Cosine.
Q: What do you call a double decker billboard?
A: Unit.
Q: How do you make a sweater?
A: Rectangle.
Q: What do you call a bent line that's been in an accident?
A: 6, 28, and Bo Derek.
Q: Name three perfect numbers.
A: Square root of 2, Pi, and Donald Trump.
Q: Name three irrational numbers.
A: Milli, Kilo, and Mini.
Q: Name two metric prefixes and a mouse.
A: Hexagon.
Q: What did Sleeping Beauty say when she was awakened from the witch's spell
by the kiss of the handsome prince?
A: Converse.
Q: What did the convict poet call his book?
A: Circle.
Q: How do you address the son of Mr. and Mrs. Cole who has been knighted?
A: Center.
Q: How do you track a woman criminal?
A: L.C.M.
Q: What did Elsie become after she married Mike March?
A: Paradox.
Q: What do you call two doctors?
A: Divisor.
Q: What do you wear to keep da sun out of your eyes?
A: Decagon.
Q: What did the blackjack dealer say when he lost his cards?
A: Bisects.
Q: How are boys and girls separated?
A: Point, Line, and Plane.
Q: Name a punctuation mark, a jungle animal, and an aircraft.
A: Empty Set.
Q: What was Montgomery Taylor Sette called by his friends?
A: Parabolas.
Q: What do you call a couple who go bowling?
A: Rene Descartes.
Q: What did the French chef's wife yell to him as his car rolled down the hill?
A: Proportion.
Q: What do you call the amount of food that one of the Denver Broncos consumes at a meal?
A: Coefficient.
Q: What do you do with a worm?
A: Inverse.
Q: How did the poet write his love?
A: Late Eight.
Q: What is a tardy digit?
A: Sore Four.
Q: What is a beat up digit?
A: Dumb sum.
Q: What is a stupid answer to an addition problem?
A: Algebra.
Q: What did the mermaid wear?
A: Axiom.
Q: What did the Indian Chief yell to his best brave in the heat of the fight?
A: Vertices.
Q: What did Verty Verdel shout when he was healed of his blindness?
A: 80 miles per hour.
Q: What should be posted on an auctioneer's tongue?
A: Diameter.
Q: What is the name of a meter that doesn't take nickels?
A: 204, 79, and 521.
Q: Name three adjacent rooms in a Mississippi hotel.
A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea.
Q: Where is the American dollar headed?